A weird mood this morning

I’m feeling somewhat off-kilter this morning after an odd nights sleep. It’s not that I didn’t get enough (indeed I had far more than I usually do) its just the one dream I had has thrown me completely.

It’s always an odd feeling to hear that someone you went to school with or grew up with has died because you find yourself questioning what was different about them from you. The matter is compounded for me by the fact that the half-a-dozen or so who have are all as a result of heroin addiction and it’s difficult to place that and the person you remember in the same category.

Last night I found myself dreaming of the last one to do so, not in a direct way but sure enough that it was recognisably them. Its odd because its been five / six years since the event but it was a local story for a while – he died of an overdose and was dumped in a trash bin at the back of the flat where it had happened – but even so there’s only one reason I can think of that it was on my mind.

One of our neighbours, whom I went to school with and have known for the best part of twenty-five years is back on heroin. I no longer have much to do with him as a result but unlike the others in the street I never shun him. I’ll always say hello if I see him – it never goes any further – just to remain polite. I grew up with him and that sort of means something even if I want to limit my contact with him to just being polite when others aren’t. He’s not only back on the stuff but it’s rumoured that he is also now dealing as well, not in our street but close enough that its the neighbourhood. He never was the smartest of people but I still can’t figure out how it happened and guess I never will. He has a brother and sister who both turned out fine.

I’m wondering if I’ve just resigned myself to the fact that I there is a high probability I’ll be going to his funeral sometime soon? I know it sounds morbid but I think its the only way things can end now – he’s been on and off (more on than off) for the last decade – either with an overdose or him pissing off someone who is more than he can handle. It just seems to be an odd thing to have been on my mind to this degree.

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