Dear Mr. Al Fayed

I’m not talking to you, you are a bloody idiot.

These simple words, spoken to a BBC journalist, pretty much sum up my feelings towards you. Previously I’d been able to cut you some slack, despite your belief in a far ranging conspiracy against your son and Diana. I put it down to a fathers grief – and whilst it raised an occasional chuckle, it never struck me as bat-shit insane.

Today however – whilst providing a massive dose of entertainment in the news otherwise filled with possibly rigged elections in Pakistan and the continuing southward trend of the economy – you proved yourself to be equally in quakery to David Icke, indeed the only difference now appears to be that you aren’t placing the blame at the feet of intergalactic turtles.

The only thing I can say in your favour is that at least you had the common sense to say everything you did in court, that way (if I understand correctly) you cannot be done for slander. However with the press coverage you’ve received you’ll have lost an remaining credabilty you may have had. Incidently, Prince Philip is Greek – not German as you commented – and spent the majority of World War II sailing with the British Navy (I can’t quite place who we were in combat with, but I think some of them may have been associated with the Nazi party) – basic fact checking like this could have saved you a lot of embarrassment.

My last comment on this, do you have any intention of releasing a full transcript of your testimony today anytime soon? I would love to read it in full, as I’m sure many others would.

However, I may not ask for it in person you bloody idiot…

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