Eurovision 2010

Welcome Gentle Reader to the post match analysis of the best night of TV each year in the UK. Eurovision 2010 wasn’t quite as good as 2009, but still was massive fun as per usual. Graham Norton is still finding his feet a little but shows overall promise and the key remains to not take it too seriously.

As per last year, the entries;

Azerbaijan – Instantly forgettable and set the tone for the night, ballad after ballad after ballad. Not the most auspicious of starts and still placed fifth!

Spain – Crap song, nightmarish backing. Who the hell thought fake mechanical toys would be a good idea? Not even enlightened by the pitch invasion (did anyone notice?).

Norway – “When I close my eyes I know that I cannot see you”, that ladies and gentlemen is classic songwriting…

Moldova – Welcome to the Eighties, please leave your self respect at the door.

Cyprus – Okay song, but nothing too memorable. Stage presence was limited at best. I foresee twelve points from Greece in the future!

Bosnia & Herzegovina – As with most of the other entries this year, a middling effort at best. However it was not a ballad and that got it points.

Belgium – For me the best song of the night, although I suspect that judge votes got it its final place rather than voting public. Brave to go with such a stripped down approach. Stuck just outside the top five.

Serbia – It was odd, a bit like Sacha Baron Cohen as Bruno meets bad Europop and thus ideal for Eurovision.

Belarus – Hilariously bad song with wonderfully bad butterfly moment. It’s worth watching the video with a mouthful of drink just so you can spray it at the TV when it happens. Second from last!

Ireland – She could sing, pity the song wasn’t much good.

Greece – More campery.

United Kingdom – British would be a polite way of putting it, yes, we really deserved last place.

Georgia – Okay song (but a ballad) with just too much going on behind! A simpler presentation may have favoured it.

Turkey – Well, that’s Europop. Catchy, barmy and fun. Understandably placed high because of good production values and being different.

Albania – Tonight Matthew I’m going to be Alison Goldfrapp. Deserved to place higher than it did in the end.

Iceland – Once again she could sing, song was okay but was never going to trouble the top five like last year.

Ukraine – Odd, but a grower. She could sing but not really sure the song suited her. Once again politics gets you nowhere in Eurovision.

France – It didn’t disappoint. Silly, campy fun (and a football song to boot), France once again indicated they didn’t really care if they won and just had fun.

Romania – It was bad, the piano was blatantly not being played and it struck you as a bad duo designed to rake in the cash rather than expand artistic merits. How did this come third? Oh yes, placement…

Russia – Imagine a moribund Chas & Dave with three other members…yes, it was that bad…

Armenia – Bloody weird subject, fantastic song and singer. Weird guy dancing with a stone in the background. Deserved to do well.

Germany – Perky girl does Lily Allen impression. Probably the closest to contemporary Eurovision has been for a decade and thus unsurprisingly the winner.

Portugal – And bump, after the fluffy pop of Germany another crashingly boring ballad.

Israel – As above, but without the ability to sing…

Denmark – “That sounds like Every Breath You Take” is uttered in every household across the land. Placed fourth by virtue of stealing someone else’s song.

All in all not a vintage year (although the interval flashmob was great fun), next year should be a better show as Germany are part of the “Big Four” and thus likely to put on a better show (although Oslo’s was not bad at all). The winner wasn’t as memorable as last years (which I can still hum) but then the field wasn’t as good either. Interesting to see trends emerging from year to year in what countries submit.

And we deserved last place.

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